what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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