Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
