We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
