Moan for me like Helen Keller
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
