wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
