I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
