I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
