Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
