okay pat passed out under dana's car
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
