i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
