I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
