I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
