Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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