apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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