im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
