We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
