i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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