i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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