Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
