Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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