What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
