Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
