You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
