Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
