Where did you get a picture of my penis
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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