people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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