Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
