this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
