so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
