Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
