I think I died a long time ago.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
