I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
