those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
