You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
