she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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