She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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