Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
