I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
