thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
