cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
