so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
