Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
