Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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