He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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