All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
