Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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