When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
