then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
