I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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