Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
