I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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