your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
