6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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