Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
