Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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